


His Ship

by Benedicthiddleston



Category: Star Trek Into Darkness - Fandom, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Feels, Gen, Hurt, Spoilers, Star Trek Into Darkness Spoilers, USS Enterprise - Freeform, his ship, kirk/spock feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-13 12:38:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/824397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Benedicthiddleston/pseuds/Benedicthiddleston
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers for Into Darkness. </p><p>He can only think of one thing: He just saved his ship. The ship he loved. The one he was willing to die for. And that enough lets him know... it's okay to be scared.  </p><p>Kirk/Spock feels</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Ship

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vulcany on Tumblr](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Vulcany+on+Tumblr).



> Cross-posted on FFDN

It's the very first thing he asks about. His ship. _His_ star ship, the magnificent _USS Enterprise_.

The ship he'd looked up at the morning he joined Starfleet. The morning his whole _life_ changed. Not necessarily for the better, but it did change. The ship half built, not even named. But her captain would be the bravest, the best. _I'm going to be that Captain_ , James Tiberius Kirk tells himself, smiling. Maybe it's but a fleeting idea, because he's going into Starfleet why? Because of Pike? Or because of that _stunning beauty_ built back on his home plain, where he never wants to return? The stars were calling… definitely.

_Changed…._

The ship he had stared at longingly for the first time after being given an immunization for some random disease Bones had used to get him onto said ship. The ship shining for all her worth, her named etched on her hull. _U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701._

_Bones…_

The ship he had been thrown unconscious from for mutiny. Which, for the record, Jim was NOT happy about.

_Spock…_

The ship he had captained. Handed down to him from Captain Christopher Pike. The ship Kirk had come to love, adore, desire, and so much more. He had taken the time to learn about her every move, her every crevice, her every tick.

_Scotty…_

The ship taken from him, and then given back. The ship that had gone through hell… and back again. More than once.

_My ship…_

The ship he had just _saved_ by realigning the warp core. But at what cost to himself?

"How's our ship?"

_My girl… she's… she's…_

"Out of danger."

_Out of danger… safe… she's safe…_

"You saved the crew."

Kirk manages to barely smile, his insides radiating with a pain he has never felt. It takes all his strength to reply.

"Using what he wanted against him… that was smart… good move."

"That was what you would have done." Spock looks like he is about to break, something Kirk has _never_ seen _in his short life of knowing this wonderful, wonderful man._ And it hurts worse then the radiation literally destroying his brain cells.

His conscious is starting to waver.

"This is what you would have done, it was only logical."

Kirk gulps. He can't… he can't do this. He is _dying_. His ship is saved. _My ship… my girl is safe and sound… but I will never see… I will never command her again…_

"I'm scared, Spock," he whispers, knowing he has failed. He's scared and he is lonely and he just gave up his _life_ for the crew he once commanded and the ship he so loved. The ship he had known from day one of a journey that would lead to this moment, this time. And he doesn't want to be scared. He wants to be _brave_. But he can't. He doesn't want to be _anything._ Kirk is done. He doesn't want to feel. Especially this pain. This terrible reality. _I don't want to feel… I can't… I can't do this…_ And he can only look to one person for expert help. "Help me not to be. How do you choose not to feel?"

"I do not know. Right now, I am failing." Spock's face is failing. He is _crying_. Tears. Literal tears.

And Kirk can't do this, can't let Spock cry. Spock has to know, has to understand…. "I wanted you to know why I couldn't let you die... why I went back for you..." Kirk puts his hand to the glass, feeling the impenetrable strength, the fact being he would never feel Spock's touch ever again. He wouldn't feel anyone's touch ever again. He was dying. And couldn't be saved… no one could save him. But Spock – he had to know. He had to know _why_.

Spock's hand, a Vulcan salute, is up against the glass beyond Kirk's hand, pressed hard, stained with tears. "Because you are my friend."

Kirk wanted to laugh. Wanted to do everything but what he was doing right at that moment. Cry. Always crying. And in response to his _friend_ , he shifted his fingers into a Vulcan salute the best he could with the last of his strength. Because this was it. The end…

Spock watched helplessly as the one he truly did call _friend_ gave up. Gave up a fight he could no longer keep fighting. The radiation was too much. Anyone would have died. Jim Kirk was no different.

Kirk felt his mind slipping, his hand giving up. And the last thought he gave was for his _ship…_

_Safe… all safe…_

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after my second viewing of STID, and while I have seen it 4 times now and I have the novelization, I figured I wouldn't change the dialogue I knew I got wrong just because it was written before. So, hope you enjoyed. Feels, so many feels...


End file.
